If Only
by Unscathed456
Summary: Even the ever-so-happy Joy breaks down as she faces her fate in the memory dump. Alternative ending where she and Sadness fails to escape Goofball when it crumbled.


Goofball Island fell that night. The sound of its fall echoes grimly throughout the mind- to the farthest of the long term maze and the highest of the headquarters. Its crumble marks a beginning to dark times ahead.

Holding 5 core memories with two hands, Joy looked around her and sees the dark barrens of the memory dump. There is nothing there save the endless sea of gray and black memory balls and their fading to the wind. Her glow stood out in the bottom of the lightless pit, as if symbolizing hope or, perhaps, loneliness.

Fear. Panic.

She ran to one of the pit's wall, dropping a core memory or two every few steps and picking them up each time. Then a massive wall of the pit stood in front of her, with a steep hill of blackened memories forming beside it. She attempts to climb it, but each time she makes a noteworthy progress one of the core memories dropped and rolled back to the hill's foot- which cause her to climb down and retrieve it. This she does for countless times, with the blue Sadness watching nearby- her face a mixture of panic, fear, and sadness.

Eventually, Joy slipped and, along with the core memories, rolled down the steep hill. Facing the ground, she saw three blackening memory balls. First she noticed was Riley laughing with Meg in class. The second was her listening closely to Mom and Dad in a car; possibly about an interesting story. The last was her jumping around excitedly in her room.

All three were once gold, no doubt. The sight of her smiling and laughing brings warmth to Joy's heart. But for all of Riley's smiling, the memories are black- they were ones that Riley doesn't care. Joy tries to recall, but no matter how hard she tries cannot remember all these things to have ever occurred- much less _why_ she was so happy in the memory balls.

Joy holds one of the balls in front of her face. It was the first ball, where she shares laughter with Meg. Why were they laughing? It must have been a great joke- but Joy can't remember. A tear drops from Joy's right eye while a small, weary smile forms on her face. "Look at her." she whispered softly to herself. "Smiling and laughing."

She picks up another, the one in the car with her mom and dad. What was the story they told her? Joy can't remember. It must have been very interesting. More tears fell, this time from both her eyes. "She was such a happy girl." she said again, staring at the second ball. A sob follows. She picks up the last ball- where Riley jumps around excitedly. And her excitement here, too, she does not know why. This time, her tears fell like rain and her bawling grew louder. "All I did... All I want..." the glowing emotion sobs. "All I want is for Riley to be happy." Still wailing, Joy hugs the memory balls as her tears rolled down her cheek.

For Joy, crying is... _unnatural_. Had it been Sadness who sobs uncontrollably, one would think ' _of course, she is Sadness after all. It is in her nature_ '. For Anger to erupt like a volcano is normal, for it is his just the way he is. But for an emotion like Joy, one who always hops and skips and smiles, one tries to find the fun in the worst of situation... for her to cry is like for pigs to fly- aberrant.

Sadness begins to cry too- but not the wild bawling like Joy's, for hers is a small, pained sobbing. Joy raises her head and saw Sadness crying. And at that moment, Joy felt rage. Her bawling stops and she stared dead eyes to Sadness- as dead as an emotion like her can. "And all of this..." she began, her voice full of hatred. "All of this is because of you..."

Cautious, Sadness backs away. "If you hadn't touched the memories..." Joy trailed off. There was venom in Joy's words- angry and hateful. It is a strange feeling for the gold emotion. Never before was she frightened or sad or angry- at least not as much as she was just now. But her just panicking and blubbering and rage are earnest and she acts unlike her nature should dictate her.

Joy's eyes are still fixated at her- as cold as her happy eyes can. At that moment, all she wants in the world is not to return to headquarters- nor is it to see Riley smile. At that moment, she wants nothing more than to see Sadness die. She clenched her teeth and her hands form fists. Her arms tremble and her eyes- still staring at Sadness- twitched.

Cautious, Sadness backs away a step. "Joy?" she called. Joy didn't reply. She felt the urge to run at her and hurt her. She wants to choke her and see her die. But such things are beyond her- for an emotion cannot physically die- else she wouldn't survive her fall from Goofball. But even if such things are possible, Joy cannot bring herself up to it. Despite her strong desire to hurt Sadness, she cannot bring herself to stand up. She would love nothing more than to see her forgotten and turned to dust. To hurt and to kill... It is nothing like her. But again, crying in despair was nothing like her- so why can't she bring herself to harm her?

Eventually Joy realizes the futility of hurting her. She looks down and begins to sob again.

Sadness was too stunned to react. This is nothing like the ever so energetic Joy. She moved slowly to her side and sat. "We're going to be forgotten here." she said sadly. "This-"

"Shut up." Joy interrupted. She stood up and heads toward the hill she climbed earlier. "Where are you going?" Sadness called out. Joy ignored her and picks up the 5 core memories she left. She started to walk towards the other Islands. Behind her, Sadness follows from a distance.

"Quit following me!" Joy yelled at her.

"But-"

"No!" She snaps- her voice cold. " _You_ are the reason both of us is here in the first place! _You_ are why she cries in the class. _You_ are why lost Goofball! _You_ are why Riley will never be happy again!"

"But Joy, I'm sorry, I-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Sadness is taken aback "I don't ever want to see you or your stupid face ever again! Do you understand?"

Sadness opened her mouth but no words came out. Joy turned back and starts to walk again. Sadness merely stood there- watching as Joy's form shrink with distance. Sometime later, Joy becomes nothing but a tiny glow in the vast memory dump and, all alone, Sadness sobs quietly.

* * *

It has been a day since Joy started her purposeless walk. She moved slowly- at first just a walk but now she is slumping like Sadness. Yesterday has been a strange day for her. She had never before felt scared, sad or angry- at least not as much as yesterday. Those are strange concepts for her- how can one just give up during hard times? One needs to always be happy to overcome their obstacles. It is Joy's core principle.

Yet still, there was more negativity in her yesterday than even her peers up at headquarters have.

For a time, Joy is hopeful that a miracle would come and save her from being forgotten in the dump. But that time of hoping is short, and for the first time in her life she is devoid of even the tiniest of hope. Even for her, keeping spirits high is difficult what with memories fading all around her.

For the whole time she walks she tries to remember each happy times Riley had had. Every now and then she stops and examines a fading memory. Each time she stumbles upon a happy memory, she smiles bittersweet. There are also times where she felt only sadness- like when with horror she saw Friendship, Hockey, and Honesty crumble. She would walk up to the ruins and remember the times when Riley was happy.

Joy was just done cherishing the olden times in the recently-crumbled Honesty Island when she notices a fallen train of thought. Its tracks run above Honesty Island, so it must have fallen with it. Joy approaches it and saw that the train carried the standard cargo- facts, opinions, daydreams. Memories.

Joy found a box lying not far from the train. She puts down the core memories on the ground and opens it. In the box is a single golden memory ball- the glow still strong. She recognizes it easily. It was that time near the twisty tree, where the hockey team and her parents came cheering for her. Joy saw Riley smiled. The sight of it brings her joy, but also melancholy. Her heart broke again and she began to tear up and one of the tear drops fell to the memory.

Noticing her tear on the memory, she wipes it with her hand. In doing so she rewinds the memory, eventually far enough that the memory became blue. This surprises her, and she saw Riley sitting with her parents beside her on one of the twisty tree's branches.

That time was also the day the Prairie Dogs lost the big playoff game. Riley missed her chance of scoring the winning shot. She wanted to quit.

Joy rewound it again; far enough back that Riley sat alone- her head lowered. Her parents soon came to her and sat beside Riley. They were comforting her.

Soon after the hockey team came and despite the saddening loss, they cheered for Riley. Joy sees her smile. She was happy.

"Mom and Dad..." Joy muttered to herself as she realizes something. "The team... They came to help because of Sadness."

Joy gasps. She remembers her final words to Sadness and how mean she was to her. In reality, it was not Sadness's fault. Sadness exists for a reason, she now realizes. At times when Riley is overwhelmed, Sadness would be there. She would call out to others in search of comfort and let out stress. It must be why it was easier for Joy to cry than to be angry.

It was a mistake for her to suppress her. It is the reason why the both of them are in the memory dump. With haste, Joy heads back to where she part ways with Sadness; carrying the core memories- and the found memory- with her. She ran as fast as her failing body can- for the memory dump weakens her. On her way back she lost grip on the memories countless of times, but always picking them up again before continuing her way back.

It was after a long and treacherous journey that she returned to where she part ways with Sadness. She remembers the place, for despite the landscape of the memory dump have little variety, she can see Goofball's ruins from where she stood. She climbed on top of the highest hill she could find, still carrying the memories with her.

"Sadness!" she shouted. No reply. She shouted again. She shouts and shouts and shouts. She can't escape the dump, and this she knew. But she was the reason she and Sadness are here. She never should have held Sadness back. In her struggle to throw away the blue core memory, she causes the both of them to be sucked out of headquarters. Had she let her work the console, none of this would have happened.

Besides, it was her decision to walk from Goofball. If only she turned around, she would be well on her way to headquarters safely. They would never have been in the memory dump. All of this is her fault.

"Sadness!" she shouted again, this time less loud. "Sadness..." she muttered. There were no signs of the blue emotion.

Joy walked down the hill, her face full of sorrow while her heart of guilt and regret. She fell to her knees and cried. The memory dump had exhausted her, and she curls up to rest- only the memories she brought with her gave her comfort. She ignores the core memories and hugs the memory she found near the train. Self-loathing, she sobs. "I'm sorry, Riley..." she said between sobs. "Sadness..."

She remembers again the happy times she once had with Riley. She remembers the times with her family and friends, laughing and smiling together. She remembers the first time she scored her first goal- how fun it was.

Alone and dying, she weeps. She can hear Family Island crumbling far away and all around her memories are fading. As she becomes history, the happy emotion ceases to glow.


End file.
